I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize