Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
