My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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