He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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