How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Less talking, more tequila
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
