i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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