My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
