theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
