I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
