I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
