I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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