Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
