I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
