In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
