I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They took my balls.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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