I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
