Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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