I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
