But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Boobs are out for the taking
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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