If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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