JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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