If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
