How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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