So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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