so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Let's paint friendship bongs
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
