I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
