lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
