remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
