Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
