he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
