i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
