So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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