I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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