Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
