OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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