im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
