Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
