They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
