GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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