Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize