Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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