Four minutes until I can fart!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
