Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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