she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
