you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
