I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
