yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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