Jerry, you need to find god
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
