dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
