I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize