forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
