they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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