He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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