babies were throwing up all over the place
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
