How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's blow job season.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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