Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
