I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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