I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
