Your mouth is God's brothel.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
