I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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