you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
