You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
