We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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