I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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