ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
