I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize