god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
accomplished twins. life is a go
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
