Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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