i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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