I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
