she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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