I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you never un-have a 4some
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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