GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
