yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize