i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
