A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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