I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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