Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
