Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
