perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
