she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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