Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
