I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We have started to decorate penises.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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