went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
