so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
