Please, let me fuck your mom
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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