Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
