is your mom at the bar?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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