Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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