K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
