Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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